


For Better or Worse

by cwxyz



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age II Spoilers, Fluff, Insecurity, Post-Dragon Age II, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22992382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwxyz/pseuds/cwxyz
Summary: If Anders thought Hawke would sit quietly and let him leave, he was sorely mistaken. She told him she'd be by his side, for better or for worse.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because I'm a filthy mage sympathizer and can't get enough of the idea of mage!Hawke and Anders against the world, a magical force to be reckoned with.

Marian Hawke couldn’t decide if she was heartbroken or furious as she re-read the letter in her hands, fighting the urge to set it aflame since it may be the last words she had from her lover. 

Heartbroken, because the love of her life had left her. Angry, because he had done it in some futile attempt to ‘protect’ her - which was insulting in itself - and out of guilt for them having to be on the run. No, she was decidedly furious. How many years had she stood by his side, no matter what he’d done, telling him over and over again that she loved him and didn’t care about being a fugitive with him and god _dammit_ she didn’t need him to protect her, keep her safe from whatever dangers being with him may bring. She was fully aware of those dangers, yet chose to stay. Why was that never enough for him? 

Tears of frustration brimmed at her eyes as she balled up the letter and tossed it aside, slamming her fist on the desk as an irritated growl came from her throat. Why couldn’t he have simply told her he didn’t love her anymore? That would be better than this nonsense telling her he was leaving her for her own good, that _of course_ he loved her more than anything but he couldn’t bear for her to be unhappy. She wasn’t unhappy! Did he pay attention at all? 

Anyway, it didn’t matter. One didn’t grow up in a small village like Lothering without knowing how to track. Granted, she was used to tracking animals, but the same principles should apply to humans. And yes, Anders also grew up in a small village and probably knew it too, but she doubted he was bothering to cover his tracks. He was likely utterly convinced she thought she’d be better off without him, and thus wouldn’t bother looking for him. Plus, she had her Mabari.

She immediately began rifling through the tent they shared, packing the essentials into her rucksack, making sure she could run with it. Should she bring the tent? No, that was too cumbersome. Surely he planned on buying a tent wherever he was planning on going, and if not she still had plenty of money leftover from her jobs in Kirkwall. Marian silently thanked herself for being cheap all those years, despite people like Varric and Fenris endlessly teasing her about it. She might need it, who knows where this journey would take them? 

“Alain!” She called out to the young mage as she exited the tent, a curious expression on his face and he watched her run towards him. She didn’t have time for goodbyes, but could at least let _someone_ know she was leaving. So they didn’t go looking. They wouldn’t have gone looking for Anders, of course - his leaving was a blessing, in their eyes. But they might miss her, maybe. She was still the champion, after all, the fact that she was romantically involved with the mage who’d blown up the chantry didn’t completely take away from that fact. And really, was being on the run worse than being in the circle? She didn’t think so, but they seemed to differ on that. 

“Marian.” Alain nodded, raising an eyebrow at her rucksack. “Is everything alright?” 

“Yes, yes. It’s Anders, he...left. I’m going after him.” She didn’t miss the flash of relief that crossed Alain’s face before he could hide it. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on bringing him back. I’ll go...wherever he’s planning on going, I suppose, maybe out of the Free Marches altogether.” 

Alain’s expression turned to one of disappointment at that, mouth set into a slight frown. “Ah. Well...we’ll miss you, Marian. Sincerely.” 

“I’ll miss all of you too. I’m...I’m sorry for all the trouble that’s happened because of us.” She never blamed Anders alone, she was just as much apart of the chantry situation as he was. “Thank you for allowing us to stay with you all for so long. I hope you are...able to find peace.” That was unlikely, the war against mages was still going strong, but at least they were able to fight back. 

“It’s been an honor to be on the run with you, Champion.” He offered her a small smile, notably leaving out her significant other. “I hope you’re able to find Anders.” 

“Thank you.” Marian nodded, returning the smile. “Please feel free to take anything you need from my tent, or the tent itself. I...won’t be back for it.” 

With that she turned, calling for her Mabari. Biscuit ran over at her call, and from her backpack she pulled out one of Anders’ undershirts. “Can you find him, boy?” Despite Anders being a cat person, he loved all animals, and he and Biscuit got on well enough. Surely Biscuit wanted to find him as well. The Mabari gave a loud bark before running towards the perimeter of the camp. There, a single set of recent tracks, headed towards the West.


	2. Chapter 2

Marian grumbled angrily to herself as she pushed aside thorny vines, doing her best to hack them away with a large stick but still getting caught. So, maybe Anders did have some intention of throwing off his trail. They’d crossed several rivers at this point, and his footsteps had been lost and found again she couldn’t even be certain they were his. Still, Biscuit seemed certain that this was the way, and she had faith in her dog. If Anders thought a thorny thicket would throw her off his trail, he simply didn’t know her at all. 

“We’re almost through it, boy, I’m sorry.” She cooed as the Mabari whined, cleary upset with being all scratched up by the thorns. At least she had clothes to protect most of her, though often they went right through. “I’ll heal you as soon as we’re out of here.” Biscuit gave a happy bark at that. 

They’d been traveling for three days now with no sign of being any closer to him. They’d passed one camp of travelers who said they had seen a man matching his description two days prior to encountering her, but that didn’t make her feel much better. Exactly how much of a headstart had he gotten? Would she be physically able to catch up? 

She was running whenever she could, using a torch to guide her at night where possible, so she had to be gaining on him. No way was he running this fast away from her. Another swell of anger flared up in her chest at the idea of him running away from her, all to protect her. Fat lot of good that did now, with her traveling alone at night and all torn up from thorns, hungry, and exhausted. Surely that wasn’t the kind of protection he had in mind. 

“You alright, miss?” Her head jolted up as she stumbled out of the brush, a man in a caravan raising a questioning eyebrow at her haggard appearance. Surely there were cuts on her face, and she knew she was covered in dirt. He eyed her staff cautiously but made no move to run, seemingly only concerned about the sweet looking woman appearing lost. She supposed there were benefits to having such an innocent, young looking face. 

“Ah, y-yes, just lost the trail for a bit, there.” She put on her best naive, village-girl voice, walking towards the caravan and looking up at him wide-eyed. If Varric had taught her anything, it was how to lie flawlessly. “My brother disappeared a few days ago, and my dog and I have been trying to track him down. Make sure he hasn’t been taken by bandits, you know? They’re crawling in these parts.” 

The man nodded sympathetically. “I’m sorry to hear that, Miss. Is it really safe for you to be traveling alone, though?” 

“I...I didn’t have time to get a search party together, I was simply too worried. My Mabari here can help protect me.” It wasn’t really a lie, but she could indeed protect herself. But better to seem helpless for this man. “What way are you headed, messere? We have his trail, if we’re headed the same way perhaps we could join you?” 

The man hesitated for a moment, and Marian reached to her backpack to grab five pieces of gold. “....I can pay you well for it, messere.” 

The merchant’s eyebrows lifted, clearly suspicious of a woman who appeared to be a mage and had enough gold to readily part with a substantial amount, but overlooking it for the sake of a profit. “Well, I suppose it’d be a bit cruel of me to leave a woman out here alone, wouldn’t it?” Marian gave another innocent, pleading smile, as much as the thought of another man wanting to ‘protect’ her made her stomach turn. She’d had about enough of that for a lifetime. “Which way are you headed?” 

“Biscuit, can you find his trail here?” The Mabari sniffed around for several moments before giving another bark and wagging his tail, pointing towards the direction the caravan was facing. “Ah, looks like it is where you were headed. We’ll only tag along until the trail veers off, if it ever does.” 

“Very well. I don’t think I have room for the dog, but I can certainly fit you up here.” He slid over, patting the bench next to him. 

“That’s quite alright. Thank you.” Mabari could run faster and for longer anyway, so she wasn’t worried about Biscuit. She climbed up and pressed the gold into his hand, smiling gratefully. “I’ll throw in three extra gold if we hurry.” 

“As you wish, miss.”


	3. Chapter 3

They were traveling for a day and a half before Biscuit began whining, barking excitedly as he ran off of the trail. Were they close? He generally didn’t react with so much vigor as he was following the trail. She had no idea where they were, only that it was desolate and they hadn’t seen a soul since she’d joined the caravan. Marian touched the driver’s arm, indicating for him to stop for a moment. 

“I think the Mabari’s found something. Do you mind stopping for a moment while I check it out? If it leads far off, you can carry on without me.” 

“Of course. Should I come with you? Safety in numbers, y’know.” 

Marian blinked, abruptly remembering she’d told him she was worried about bandits. And she could do far more damage with a single blast of ice than he could with a hundred cuts of his shortsword - which she assumed he had little idea of how to use, but carried it around in case of swindlers. Still, she had to keep up the ruse just in case she still needed his caravan. 

“Ah, yes, that would make me feel better. Thank you.” They both hopped off the wagon, following the Mabari through a barely-visible path into the woods. Marian lifted her hand to her lips to shush the dog, not wanting Anders to get wind of their arrival. Biscuit let out a low whine but did keep silent otherwise, leading them several hundred feet into the woods until it opened into a small clearing, a tiny, decrepit cabin sitting in the middle. 

“You think he might be in there?” The merchant - whose name was Lewes - whispered. 

“Would be a good place to take shelter for a day. Be careful.” Truthfully, she wasn’t one-hundred percent certain it was Anders - it could very well be bandits, or bandits who had taken Anders. Or it could simply be an empty cabin. 

She knocked on the door, waiting a moment before calling out. He wasn’t an idiot, he wouldn’t open the door for anyone he didn’t expect. “Anders, are you in there?” There, he couldn’t ignore that. 

Slowly the door opened to reveal a horrified Anders, looking disheveled and just as ragged as she. “Brother!” Marian exclaimed, immediately throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down into a hug, squeezing just a _little_ too hard because she was, in fact, still furious. Leaning next to his ear she whispered through gritted teeth, “Play along, brother.” 

“Ah...how did you find me?” He spoke quietly, still in shock. 

“I thought you were taken by bandits when you went out to hunt! Why didn’t you return?” She pulled away and spoke loudly enough for the merchant to hear, hands on her hips. “Mother was worried sick!”  
“Ah, I...I didn’t intend to worry Mother. I’m...sorry, I should have left a note.” Anders still appeared stunned, unsure of how exactly to proceed. 

“Well, we can get into it later, let’s not air our family matters in front of Lewes.” Marian stepped aside and gestured to the merchant, who had a pleased smile at seeing the ‘siblings’ reunited. “Lewes graciously allowed me to join his wagon for a few days to find you, I was running myself ragged trying to catch up to you. Thank you, again, Messere.” 

“Oh, it’s no hassle at all, Marian.” He grinned, surely recalling the nice sum she’d paid him. “Glad to see you found your brother.” He shot a stern look towards Anders. “It’s none of my business, but I hope you had a pretty good reason for running off on your sister and mother, boy.” Anders was quite past the age to be called ‘boy’, but Lewes was likely about a decade older, maybe more. 

“I...did, yes. Thank you, messere, for keeping my...sister safe.” 

“Well I don’t want to hold up Lewes from his route any further. My bag is still on his wagon. Anders, would you be a darling brother and carry it back for me?” Mostly she just didn’t trust him not to run if she walked back to the wagon herself, and may as well play up the dainty woman act while she could. She’d run across the Free Marches chasing him, the least he could do was carry her bag. 

Anders grimaced, likely seeing his chance at escape slipping through his fingers. He couldn’t very well refuse without seeming like a right proper asshole. “Of course, _sister_.” 

\---

They didn’t speak the entire way back to the cabin, Marian too worried she’d start screaming while Lewes was still in earshot and he’d come running back for her. As soon as the door shut behind her, however, she began fuming, hands on her hips as she faced him. 

“What the _fuck_ were you thinking, just running off like that? Nothing but a note?” 

He tossed her bag to the floor, meeting her angry expression with one of his own. It wasn’t often they fought, but both could be quite aggressive and stubborn when they did come to blows. Anders always fought to keep a hold of his temper for fear of Justice taking over, but he was less guarded around Marian, for better or worse. “Well I couldn’t very well tell you I was leaving, you’d try and stop me or come with me!” 

“And yet, here I am!” 

“And you shouldn’t be! I told you not to follow me!” 

“If you think I would listen to something like that, you clearly don’t know me at all!” Marian’s fist clenched, nails digging into her palms as she fought the urge to punch him straight in the face and tell him what an idiot he was being. “Why on Earth would you think I would simply let you leave? I love you, you _bloody_ idiot.” 

“And I love you!” He ran his hands through his loose hair, gripping it tightly. “Which is why I don’t want you to come with me. I wanted to protect you.” 

“I don’t need to be protected!” Marian practically screeched, slamming her fist into the door behind her. “Who the fuck do you think I am?” 

“Not...fine, not _protect_ you, but I just don’t want to see you get hurt! If you ended up getting hurt, or worse, because of me, I couldn’t bear to-,” 

“How many dangerous missions have you gone on for me? Far more dangerous than being on the run! Of course I didn’t want you to get hurt, but I _trusted_ you to take care of yourself, and let me know if you thought something was too dangerous.” Of course, for Anders to consider something too dangerous for himself to participate in took quite a bit - the man valued the life of a cat more than his own. But he loved her with the intensity of a hundred suns, and would fight the Dark One himself if she asked. He just didn’t seem to get it through his thick, stubborn skull that she would do the same for him. “Don’t you trust me to do the same?” 

“ _Of course_ I trust you, but sometimes you do stupid things like love me and follow me into the mountains and I just want you to do what’s best for you.” 

“You don’t get to decide what’s best for me, Anders! I do!” Marian stepped forward, jabbing a finger into his chest and glaring up at him. “I can take care of my goddamn self and make my own decisions, and I have _decided_ that being with you is worth any risks I might face.” 

“I…” Anders’ expression was still angry, but there was a flicker of something else - sadness, maybe? “I’m not, love. I’m not worth being on the run for the rest of your life, you can...you’re the bloody Champion, you can do whatever you want if not for me.” By the end of his sentence his face had shifted to one of pleading, self-loathing...guilt. “I’m sorry I left, but I...I can’t keep holding you back.” 

“Anders.” Marian’s own anger began to subside at his words, and she reached up to take his face in her hands. Of course she was still angry, but him leaving wasn’t really about her at all. It was his own struggle with himself, with Justice and the people he’d hurt. Even after all these years, he still didn’t seem to grasp that she loved him regardless of what he’d done, no matter how many times she told him. “You aren’t holding me back. I know what being with you means, and I’m happy to live a life on the run if I can do it by your side.” It was inconvenient, sure, but she’d dealt with far worse in her lifetime. 

“You...you’re a good person, love, and you deserve better.” His eyes were cast downwards, unable to meet hers as his voice softened. 

“There is nothing better. I want you.” Marian was able to smile gently in spite of her anger, the desire to alleviate his worries greater than her irritation. “I told you once that I would stand in front of the world and declare my love for you with no hesitation, and I still mean that. There is nothing you could do that would make me leave your side, in this lifetime or the next. For better or for worse.” 

Warm brown eyes finally met her own, a small smile finally gracing Anders’ features as he brought his hands up to rest on top of hers, bringing them to his lips to press a kiss against her knuckles. “Sweetheart,” he laughed softly, a sound that melted the last of Marian’s anger. Bull-headed as they both were, they could never stay angry with each other for long. “If I didn’t know better I’d think that was a marriage proposal or something. You’re quite the romantic when you want to be.” 

Marian bit her lip, raising one eyebrow slightly, suggestively. “It...could be if you wanted it to be.” 

Anders froze, expression somewhere between thrilled and horrified. “You...you would want that with...with me? Are you sure?” 

“Darling, if I have to tell you again how sure I am that I love you and want to be with you, I’m rescinding the offer.” Marian laughed, only half joking. “I don’t really think we could have an official marriage, what with being fugitives and all, but we can, y’know, call each other husband and wife and get some matching rings or something. If you want.” She averted her gaze, suddenly feeling bashful even though she’d been the one to suggest it. They’d been fighting just moments ago, he’d tried to leave her, what if he didn’t-

“I would love nothing more than to be your husband.” He was unable to hide the grin that spread across his face, looking practically giddy. “Ah, bloody hell though Marian, you’re proving once again to be less of a coward than me. I would never have asked, even though I’ve wanted to marry you for years.” 

“Years?! Maker, why didn’t you say something sooner?” Marian’s jaw dropped open, though she believed he was telling the complete truth. Anders could be a bit of a hopeless romantic, despite his fatalistic attitude and belief that he was always going to hurt her, and once they’d gotten together he’d fallen hard and fast. So had she, to be fair, for all her claims about being tough and detached. Their romance was always a whirlwind of feelings and affection, both physical and emotional, and both behaved as if they’d never loved anyone else before and would never love another again. Anders did everything in life with passion, and loving her was no exception - and his passion was contagious. Marian had hardly flinched when he blew up the chantry, angered more that he kept it from her than the fact that he killed hundreds of people. She knew, unfailingly, that she loved him and would stand by him no matter what. And he for her. Sure, sure, it wasn’t great to stand by a terrorist - but what could she do? She’d killed plenty of people herself, and she did believe in his cause. 

“Oh, you know, worried I would only hurt you, worried you’d say no...do we really want to get into all my insecurities again right now?” He never stopped smiling, pressing his forehead to hers. “We’re getting married, we should be celebrating! Ah, Maker, I love you.” Before she could respond he captured her lips in his, and she found herself sighing against him and snaking a hand up into his hair. By the ferocity with which they kissed, one would think they’d been apart for months rather than just a week. 

“I love you, too.” Marian murmured breathlessly as she pulled away, giving him a slight frown that caused his brow to crease with worry. She lifted a hand to poke him in the chest again, trying to keep her voice stern. “But I _am_ still a bit miffed at you for leaving how you did. But I can think of a few ways you can make it up to me…” She raised a suggestive eyebrow and grinned. 

“Just tell me what you’d like me to do,” he let out a low chuckle before pressing a kiss to her neck, breath heavy in her ear. “My _beautiful wife_.” 

“You can keep calling me that, for starters.”


End file.
